


lifestyles of the near rich and near famous

by Cadensaurus (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drug Use, M/M, Weed, it's actually really fluffy, note i was high while writing this to make sure it was accurate, stoners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 13:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Cadensaurus
Summary: So in 2011, Dan and Phil decide to get stoned. Just a little fic of domestic stoned fluffiness and peace in general.





	

The first time that Dan gets high is when he's 16. The first time Phil gets high, he's 19. They confess this in early 2010, giggling, drunk on wine in Phil's bedroom.

The next time they get high is in 2011, Dan getting it in his head that they should try it together and see what happens. Phil worries over it a bit and finally assents his own interest. It takes Dan about a week to figure out where to get some, and when he does, Phil isn't totally sure they didn't get ripped off for the amount that comes in the baggie.

Dan has a lighter, a dark blue and cyan swirled bowl, one he bought for this occasion. Better high, he hears, and so he'll give it a shot. He clumsily packs it, looking up instructions on the internet because he's never done this before.

Dan lights the bowl, covering the little hole on the side with his thumb, inhaling slowly, tasting it hit his throat, letting it linger for a second, before pulling his arm back and exhaling a stream of cloudy grey smoke everywhere.

Phil closes his eyes, sniffs the air, wrinkles his nose as he grins. “Yeah, sure smells like skunk to me,” he tells Dan, and Dan lets out a brief laugh, handing the bowl and lighter over to Phil, who imitates Dan, breathes in too long, forgets to hold, and hacks out a cough. “Fail.” He says, lungs clenching up for air, and Dan looks over at him and shoves him gently, says, “Fail,” in total agreement.

Phil does better the next round, and between them, they smoke the bowl over the course of about fifteen minutes, set it off to the side, and stretch out on Phil's bed, feeling the effects hit them, first a sense of peacefulness, and then time slows down a little, not a lot, just enough to _feel_ clumsily through the air, muscles relaxed, harder to hold on to each other's hands.

They talk quietly between themselves, smiling and lazily kissing, touching, tasting the bud on each other's breath, knowing they tasted just as dark and sharp and bitter. Eventually, they slide away from one another, maybe ten minutes later.

“Time's really moving slow for me,” Dan drawls out, grinning, then grinning wider when Phil looks over at him, unable to stop the grin now, and Phil grins back in dopey, non-inquisitive pleasure.

“I'm not quite there myself,” Phil tells Dan. “Feel a little chilly.”

“Wanna get under the covers?” Dan asks, still grinning, even as his voice expresses real concern. Phil shakes his head.

“It's a good kind of chill. Like the aftereffects of a menthol rub over your entire body.” Phil says, and Dan nods, and finally manages to drag the grin off his face. He coughs a couple of times, lungs not used to what he's just done. He tucks his face into Phil's side, watches as his vision goes kind of hazy a few minutes later, dark spots swimming before his eyes.

They're quiet a few more minutes and then Phil says, “Hah, yeah, there we go. Now I'm feeling good. Real relaxed. Head kind of floating.”

“Mmm,” Dan assents, rolling on his back. He thinks he might have had a spike of anxiety from the blurry eyes, but it passed before he could notice it, and now he's peaceful again, staring up at the ceiling.

Holding hands is hard now, limbs limp and tired, and so Phil flops a hand over Dan's, throws a bit of energy into stroking his fingers a little.

Dan lets him, for about five minutes, then with a sigh pulls his hand away. “Your hand's making my hand all sweaty.” He says, annoyed.

“Sorry,” Phil mumbles, frowns as he says it, then giggles because it's silly to think Dan's actually annoyed with him when Dan is stoned off his ass right now.

“S'ok. Sorry I was mean.” Dan goes quiet, then slurs out, “Wanna blowjob?”

Phil strokes Dan's hair with one hand. “Too blissed out to get stiff,” he says, and Dan hums.

“Yeah, I mean, I'm a little hard right now but that's mostly because I was thinking about how good you screwing me last night if we'd done this beforehand.”

Phil chuckles. “Woulda been like floating through time. Woulda been forever,” and Dan makes a low noise in his throat, a purr.

“That's exactly what I meant,” Dan says, voice drawlingly seductive. “Smoke up and start the sex before the effects hit us, there's a few minute window there, you might have to just push it in without fingering me,”

Phil doesn't like to do it, he prefers getting Dan ready, but he also wants to know what sex while stoned feels like. So he'll compromise this once.

Dan closes his eyes – they feel tired and a little dry and blurry. He drifts through time, making lazy conversation with Phil, and words tumble from his mouth without existing in his brain, and when he tries to touch Phil, his arm is heavy and slumborous.

Phil talks back, and Dan wonders if Phil's feeling how he is now, which is languid, an anxiety-free person, and when he blinks his eyes back open, the haziness has cleared a bit, body slow and heavy, as if he's extremely drowsy.

He rolls over against Phil, rests his head next to Phil on Phil's pillow, and carefully places his arm over Phil's hip, yawning. “I wanna go to sleep,” he mumbles. “And I want pizza.”

“I was craving bacon, can we get bacon on the pizza?” Phil asks, and Dan giggles.

“Sure. Bacon and pepperoni and sausage, a meat lovers pizza.”

“You're a meat-l-lover,” Phil sputters out, breaking halfway through his pun, and Dan starts laughing as he pushes upright even as he fixes Phil with the fiercest stare he can while stoned, which is to say, not fierce at all.

They laugh for about three minutes straight before the belly aches are too much, and Dan crawls off the bed, reaches for his laptop, opens it, and orders a pizza with cheesesticks and dipping sauce, and then orders a two liter of soda to go with everything, sends his payment through, and makes his way to the lounge.

Lights are bright, and Phil, a minute later, follows Dan and plops down on the sofa next to Dan.

“Telly?” Dan asks, and Phil reaches for the remote, hands it over to Dan. They land on a Top Gear marathon – Dan quite finds it interesting and likes Jezza's crass humour, Phil can tolerate and much prefers Hamster's hasty nature, finding it the real charm to the series.

They're midway through Jordan's interview, which is making them laugh a bit harder than they normally would, when the pizza arrives and Dan goes to collect it, brings it back in front of them, and then gets up, grabs some kitchen roll to go with it.

They don't even bother with plates, just picking up pieces and chowing down, licking up cheese that drips from the corner of their mouth in strings, and Dan devours the cheesesticks, which Phil only gets one of before Dan's eaten the rest.

They're starting to come down from the high now, relaxed, brains and bodies and thoughts all coming back together in limbo, more energy in their limbs. They've bought enough for probably two more hits, and Dan says, “Wanna go to bed.” when Phil asks if he wants to go for another round.

That's weird, Dan getting sleepy before Phil, but they put away the pizza and brush their teeth, Phil pops out his contacts, and they strip down to their boxers, crawling under the covers of Phil's bed, and Phil's out before Dan, but it only takes Dan a couple minutes more, and then he too is in peaceful blackness, feeling about as good as he's ever felt.

 


End file.
